5 Truths To Remember When You Feel Like You Are Not Enough

We all live with moments, days or weeks of self-doubt.

These are times that make us feel inadequate and over-conscious of our long list of flaws. They’re occasions that make us question our purpose, our image or our identity, forcing us to wonder if we just aren’t enough.

The frequency in my moments of self-doubt has increased since putting my thoughts out into the world in writing. If I did not receive the feedback I desired, I immediately started questioning my purpose and my goals and harping on whether or not people were just perceiving me as strange. I started a negative spiral of focusing too much on where I fell short while comparing that list to where others seemed to flourish.

I quickly realized that these emerging insecurities would break me down if I didn’t stand up to them.

I recently read my results on a personality inventory. It told me that I am sensitive (I knew this) and that I often base my perceptions of myself through how I feel others perceive me. This hit home not because I felt it was unique to me, but because I hadn’t realized before the power of the key word: perception.

Since then I have identified a simple fact: it is my own negative thinking that hinders me. I am the one who attaches meaning to a rejection, a comment or a lack of traffic on my articles. I am the one who keeps taking things personally. I am the one attacking myself for not succeeding as quickly as I would like.

Since realizing this, I have learned how to replace that negativity with self-encouragement, a dash of harsh reality and words of kindness.

Here are some things I have told myself to snap out of it:

1.  If we believe that we are only on this Earth for a limited time, then who cares if people think we are weird?

At the end of the day, what are we living for if we aren’t fighting to be the best version of ourselves, if we aren’t pushing the envelope and shoving ourselves into situations where discomfort is all encompassing? I am not going to get buried 6 feet under or have my ashes thrown out to sea without knowing that I made some kind of name for myself. It’s not happening. If death is the biggest thing to fear, someone thinking I’m weird pales in comparison.

 2. F*&k it.

If I’m living authentically, if I’m riding my train straight into a place that feels right for me, I’m going to keep riding. There are going to be people or places or moments along the way that make me feel like I’m not good enough and that is okay. As long as I stay true to who I am, as long as I keep working to grow and learn and try— I will be ahead of the game.

3. So what if someone seems to be having a better time than me?

I have gone through periods of comparing myself to others. Individuals who appear to be living a life I would rather have, who are chasing their dreams with fearless relentlessness and trekking out into the unknown to vibe with whatever comes up. I now fight this with a blunt, ‘make more of your time then!’ or a ‘keep pushing until this life feels like the blessing it is supposed to be.’

4. I count my own blessings.

I remember that it could be so, so, so much worse. I snap myself out of it because I am pretty damn lucky. I remind myself of my talents, accomplishments, loved ones and life experiences. I fight against drowning in my weaknesses by soaring with my strengths.

5. I remind myself that I am enough.

I will continue to be enough no matter what I am pursuing, who I am with, where I am going, or what I am fighting for. I am enough because I say so. I have power over my thoughts and my self-image and that is enough.

I will continue to remind myself of these things when those moments of doubt inevitably creep back in again. But they won’t stay around for long—they have no place in my happy heart. They have no place in yours either.

Live your authentic life, pursue your dreams and remind yourself over and over again that you are enough just the way you are. You rock out at things I could only be in awe of and the same goes for me. Use your talents, find your voice, grab the reigns and take off.

Written by: Via Alissa Lastras

 

 

Can You Say No Without Feeling Guilty?

When you say “Yes” to others, make sure you are not saying “No” to yourself.  -Paolo Coelho

From the moment we are old enough to curl our hands and snatch toys from our fellow crèche dwellers, we are told not to be selfish. “No one likes a Selfish Sally,” “Put others first,” “Don’t be so greedy”—and so goes the stream of reprimands. It’s no wonder that we are all so concerned with being perceived as selfish, that we now feel terrible for ever having the audacity of putting ourselves first. We may win friends with our selflessness, but what damage is this causing to our own second-standardized spirits?

I didn’t realize how much of a people-pleaser I actually was until my cancer journey forced me to take inventory of where my life was out of balance. As any empowered cancer patient does, I sought out people who could help me shine a light on the issues that were subconsciously manifesting my disease. What I discovered is that I have had a penchant for giving so much of myself away without taking the time to nurture and nourish myself properly. Growing up as a pretty spoilt (but not a spoilt brat!) only child, I was always very conscious that I could be perceived as being selfish and I was desperate not to be thought of in this way. Being called selfish when I was younger cut me deep. So subconsciously, it turns out, I would strive to be selfless.

My condition showed up in my left hand and arm, which if you’re also a fan of Louise Hay you will know that the left side of the body is the “feminine” side, and the left hand and arm are linked to “giving.”I’ve discovered that cancer may have manifested in this area to send me a message to stop giving so much of myself away, and to start taking or giving myself what I need. My only treatment option in the eyes of conventional medicine was to have my arm amputated. It was kind of like my body was giving me a very simple ultimatum—stop giving so much of yourself away, or you will lose your arm and physically won’t be able to continue giving.

Be selective with your yeses

But enough about me. Do you practice discernment when it comes to saying yes to people? When we constantly give to people, without receiving anything in return, our bodies get the message that they are second rate and not good enough. This is why it is so important to honour ourselves first.

Being selfish is not always a bad thing. Sure, other problems will arise if we say no to everyone all of the time, but this is where selectivity comes in. If you listen carefully, your body will tell you if you are dishonouring yourself by saying yes to someone or something when you really don’t want to. Your “gut feeling” or intuition will poke you in the tummy and let you know. You know what feeling I’m talking about. Some times it genuinely feels good to say yes, but the trick is to make sure that you never give more to other people than you give to yourself.

How to say no without getting “the guilts”

Our health and happiness should always come first. Because when our cups are overflowing we have more good stuff to offer others. By giving to ourselves first, we are honouring the fact that we are here in the Universe to serve a purpose that will ultimately create a ripple effect and serve those around us.

This concept is generally pretty easy to grasp. Putting it into practice, and actually saying no to people without feeling guilty, is the hard part.

To heal my body from cancer, I undertook two years of Gerson Therapy—a healing modality that requires me to pour all of my energy into nurturing myself. Everything I do is directed at healing my body, mind, and spirit. Naturally, this started to rewire old habits and I am much more aware of my need to be selfish. However I still have a little way to go. I still have trouble saying no to people and I still hate letting people down in any way. In some ways, I am still a bit of a pushover. But I’m working on it. Whenever I want to say no to someone, I complete this exercise:

1. Write a list of ten benefits the person will receive by saying no to them. By doing this, our brains start to understand that saying no is actually beneficial to both parties.

2. Write a list of one ten drawbacks the person will experience from saying yes to them when you feel too guilty to say no. For example, continually saying yes to someone may impinge on their growth because it enables them to remain dependent on you and not take responsibility for themselves.

At first I thought it would be impossible to list ten benefits and drawbacks, and I really couldn’t see how saying no to someone would benefit them. But after I spent time thinking about it I realised that saying no and being selfish can be of service to both ourselves and others.

Saying no to others and yes to ourselves is one of the most important steps to healing because it gives our bodies a direct message that they do matter, that they are good enough—and that they are loved.

Article written by: Jess Ainscough