Child practicing intuitive eating

Raising An Intuitive Eater

There’s been a lot of talk about intuitive eating lately, which got us thinking: If we can learn to eat intuitively, when did we learn not to?

No matter how you diverged from your natural eating style, it’s possible to get it back—and support your children in maintaining theirs, say Sumner Brooks, MPH, RDN and Amee Severson, MPP-D, RDN, authors of How To Raise An Intuitive Eater. “We don’t need to teach intuitive eating; children naturally do this. We need to support them in their natural eating behaviors,” Brooks says.

Understanding Intuitive Eating—for Your Kids and for Yourself

There’s often a misunderstanding of what it means to eat intuitively. Many people think that intuitive eating is all about cravings and appetite—just eat what you want when you want. But that approach doesn’t consider the whole picture. A more complete definition is complex. The definition of intuitive eating that we use is from Elyse Resch and Evelyn Tribole (pioneers of intuitive eating), which encompasses the complexity of the human eating experience and our relationship to food: instinct, thought, and emotion.

Our instincts, which are controlled by our reptilian brain and help us survive, compel us to seek food when we’re hungry. Instincts are the reason restrictive diets don’t work long-term. If you are in a calorie deficit for an extended period, your body goes into survival mode, so you constantly think about food and you are determined to seek it out in order to survive.

We’re human, though, so we can also think and use our logic and reasoning to make our eating decisions. We can ask questions like: What am I doing today? How much energy do I need to do what I need to get done? What can I eat that will help me feel good throughout the day? Logic is a great benefit that helps us eat in a way that fuels us and keeps us feeling as good as we can.

Our unique instincts, thoughts, and emotions make up our personal intuitive eating experience.

What Disrupting the Intuitive Process Looks Like

Parents mean well, but sometimes, without even realizing it, they say things that can deter a child’s intuitive eating process. Some examples are asking, “Are you sure you’re hungry?” or “Are you just thirsty or bored?” before your kid eats something. Or it can sound like, “You don’t really need that.”

These little questions and comments can accumulate and eventually instill distrust in your child’s ability to follow their own instincts. Then they begin to question themselves: Maybe I am just thirsty or bored; maybe I don’t need this, even though it sounds really good right now.

Another thing that we often see is parents comparing eating styles with another child’s or labeling children as “good eaters” and “bad eaters.” This adds to the constant attention and judgment our society has concerning eating and food preferences. It can be overbearing for a child—they know when their parents care a lot about what they’re eating or when there’s not a certain type of food in the house—they notice and feel it all.

Ways Parents Can Help Their Child Eat Intuitively

It’s important to know that we don’t need to teach intuitive eating; children naturally do this. We need to support them in their natural eating behaviors and they will learn to self-correct, if needed. You can compare it to when a child is learning to walk. We don’t try to keep them from falling. To become competent walkers, they must explore, wobble around, and fall and get back up again. But we don’t let them learn to walk in a parking lot or on the street. We keep them surrounded by safe boundaries that allow them to find their way. There’s a balance of exploration and boundaries when it comes to raising an intuitive eater, too.

Tuning in to yourself and your child is essential. It’s ultimately about making mealtime a positive experience that leaves them feeling good and satisfied. Here are some things that can help:

Have a flexible and reliable feeding routine. This helps provide some structure but also a safe space for them to learn how to listen to their body, feed themselves regularly, get enough to feel satisfied and try new foods. We recommend keeping a pretty loose schedule. For example, plan for the family to eat a snack around this time each day and meals around these other times each day but with enough flexibility that allows for the natural flows of life—unexpected schedule changes, changes in timing of hunger, etc.

Have desirable food options. A child should know that at every single meal and snack, there will be enough food for them and there will be enough food that they want provided for them. For example, you can provide your child with a pound of Brussels sprouts in one meal—that would be more than enough food in terms of volume—but if your child refuses to eat Brussels sprouts, then that really is not enough food for them.

There should be something they want to eat with each meal. We don’t need to force them to eat things they don’t want. If you know they like strawberries, then make sure strawberries are on the table, rather than pressuring them to eat bananas if they are averse to them.

Offer a combination of familiar and new foods. This doesn’t mean every single meal has to include a new vegetable and a new fruit, but generally doing this over the course of a week or a month, whatever is best for your family, is great. Repeating staples and family favorites works, too.

Stop pressuring them to eat. Just stop. If you need to bite your tongue to stop yourself from making a comment, we suggest doing so. We’re (kind of) joking, but we use that example because it’s that crucial. If you feel the urge to say something about their food or eating, pause and notice the discomfort inside yourself. Let it dissipate and allow your child to make the decision—they are more than capable of doing so. Ultimately, we don’t want our children to develop disordered eating patterns.

Talk about anything else other than what they’re eating during mealtimes. Let the food be there. If you find yourself wanting to talk about food, you can shift the conversation and instead ask them how they are doing or feeling. It distracts from the food and helps you connect with your child. It’s okay to express enjoyment, pleasure, and satisfaction about what you are eating, of course, but the goal is to place more attention on your child than on the meal.

Model intuitive eating. Parents are often unaware of how our systems and culture influence our eating preferences and patterns, and we unconsciously pass these ideals, behaviors and anxiety on to our children. When parents relearn and model intuitive eating, it can make a tremendous difference, since our children are very attuned to our actions.

For some parents, this may mean eliminating diets or restrictive eating or doing deep inner-child psychological work (many of our eating patterns are ingrained from a young age). It could also mean making conscious decisions to release control of your child’s eating, trust that your child can self-regulate, and give them the freedom to experiment and learn.

Looking for more guidance, contact us to schedule a complimentary 15-minute consultation with one of our Milwaukee Intuitive Eating Therapists.

 

 

Woman practicing self-care

New Service…Health Coaching in Milwaukee

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This holisitic approach to wellness allows you to get to the root of what is holding you back from feeling your best.⁠

Health Coaching Is For You If:⁠

?You want to establish HEALTHY EATING and EXERCISE habits that are sustainable.⁠

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?You want to learn SELF-CARE STRATEGIES to cope with stress and anxiety. ⁠

?You are going through a MAJOR LIFE TRANSITION and want to tools to embrace the change. ⁠

?You are living with a CHRONIC HEALTH CONDITION and do not want this to define you.⁠

Check out our health coaching page for more information or message us to schedule a FREE initial consult with our Health Coach, info@hillarycounseling.com. ?⁠
Holding ice cream cones

How To Respond To Diet Talk

When we open our eyes to diet culture, we may start noticing it embedded into many different nuances of life – whether in advertising, media or even talk amongst peers.

Since you are reading this, you may probably be aware of why diets don’t work. but how do we approach and respond to diet talk at home, in the office or out with friends? Read on for our top tips to respond to diet talk, giving examples of some typical phrases you may hear and how you can challenge or approach these.

You don’t have to use these phrases to respond to people if you don’t want to, but they may be a positive way to encourage more appreciative and valuable discussions about food in the environment you’re in. Alternatively, they can act as good internal reminders to avoid falling into the many (sometimes well-disguised) traps of diet culture.

SCENARIO ONE:
Them:

‘I’m being naughty and having a cookie! I will regret this later…’

Your response:

‘A cookie can be a great source of carbohydrates, B vitamins, and energy. It makes up part of a nourishing, satisfying diet. Sounds pretty good!’

Remember, every food has its value, place, and purpose in your diet. When you start to eat intuitively, you will realise your body is excellent at telling you what it needs. Low on energy and need a boost? Maybe a cookie is an ideal snack for it!

SCENARIO TWO:
Them:

‘Junk food is so bad for you!’

Your response:

‘Not all food is equally nutrient-dense, but all foods provide nutrition and additionally may bring emotional comfort and satisfaction. Therefore, I find it more helpful and refreshing to begin to view all foods as neutral rather than labelling them as good and bad, or healthy and unhealthy.’

This answer helps to acknowledge that whilst all food may not be packed with essential nutrients, they still serve a purpose in being eaten and enjoyed. Therefore, putting certain ingredients or snacks on pedestals is not conducive to a healthy relationship with food.

SCENARIO THREE:
Them:

‘Carbs are evil! I’m not eating them anymore!’

Your response:

‘Cutting out a food group can lead to increased anxiety and guilt around food, and possibly increased bingeing too! In fact, carbohydrates are a great source of energy and feel extremely comforting for my body! Meals wouldn’t feel the same without them. What carb foods do you enjoy most?’

Food comments can be challenging to deal with, especially when directed at you. Again, helping to reinforce that no food is necessarily ‘evil’ or even ‘pure’ can be relieving for others to hear. Inviting someone to enjoy or discuss foods they may crave can feel freeing and lets them know that they aren’t alone in enjoying comforting or fun foods from time to time.

SCENARIO FOUR
Them:

‘I can’t have a day off or a cheat day. I’ll lose ALL of my progress.’

Your response:

‘We are only human, and days off are perfectly ok. We wouldn’t drive a car with no fuel, or be frustrated at a battery for running out of charge, so why would we expect our bodies to function differently? Your body is capable of achieving so many amazing things and days and time off are a part of the process! Why don’t we have a “do nothing” day this week?’

We hear this one all of the time – and it is often linked to our fitness, activity, and career, besides from food. Remember, every day is different, life is imperfect, and you are absolutely worthy of days off.

Learn about moving more mindfully and enjoying what activity you do, rather than something that might feel forced. Time off will certainly enable you to reflect and function better in the long term, so listen to your body and take what you need.

SCENARIO FIVE:
Them:

‘Skinny people look and feel so much healthier.’

Your response:

‘The evidence actually shows the opposite, and that fat can be protective of cardiovascular diseases. Health is not heavily determined by weight, and people can experience disordered eating and a negative body image at any size.’

Remember that when it comes to overall health, many factors besides weight play a much more significant role. This is including and is not limited to: mental wellbeing, stress levels, mindfulness, our work, social and living environments, income and job, financial status, gender, race, education level, and so on.

We also can remind ourselves that whilst thin privilege does exist, people in smaller bodies are not ‘immune’ to insecurities and self-doubt.

We wanted to let you know that we believe you are seriously impressive for opening your eyes to diet culture and challenging the deep-rooted beliefs of our society. Keep up all of the amazing work and rule-unpacking you are doing!

If you found this article helpful, and would like more “diet recovery” tips, feel reach out to schedule a COMPLIMENTARY 30-minute consultation with one of our Eating Disorder Experts, info@hillarycounseling.com.

Article By: Priya Chotai,RD at Embody Health London

Healthy eating

What is Healthy Eating?

Healthy Eating is about Freedom. It is about whether you feel free to choose what you are going to eat, how much, and when.

Healthy Eating is about feeling great, having energy, and keeping yourself in a “healthy” state of mind and body.

Healthy Eating is about giving yourself permission to eat because the food “tastes” good and to continue eating until you feel satisfied.

Healthy Eating is eating three meals a day plus snacks or perhaps choosing to munch along. It is having two cookies and making a free and conscious decision to eat a third for any reason—because they taste good, because they are freshly baked, how rarely you have them, or it is leaving more cookies on the plate because you know you can have some again tomorrow.

Healthy Eating is being able to choose foods that provide your body with the vitamins and nutrients it needs—for ENERGY, but not being so restrictive that you miss out on pleasurable foods.

Healthy Eating is allowing yourself to eat sometimes because you are happy, sad, bored, or because it just feels good—and not beating yourself up afterwards.

Healthy Eating is overeating at times: feeling stuffed and uncomfortable. It is also under eating at times and wishing you had more.

Healthy Eating is trusting that your body will BALANCE everything out.

Healthy Eating may take some time and energy, but it should only be one small component of your life.

Ultimately, Healthy Eating is not about strict nutrition philosophies. It should be flexible, changing in response to your hunger, your emotions, your schedule and your proximity to food.

 

Saying “Oh, I’ve already ruined my good eating today; I might as well eat the whole box of cookies,” is like saying “Oh, I dropped my phone on the floor; I’ll just smash it until it breaks.”

Want help finding a better balance with your eating? Email us at info@hillarycounseling.com to schedule a COMPLIMENTARY 30-minute consultation. Let us help you “Live A Life You Love!”

Woman meditating in nature

Body Obsession: How My Weight Consumed My Life and Why I’m Done Dieting

“You are not a mistake. You are not a problem to be solved. But you won’t discover this until you are willing to stop banging your head against the wall of shaming and caging and fearing yourself.” ~Geneen Roth

I’ve spent so much time on the dieting hamster wheel that I am almost too ashamed to admit it. Throughout my teen years I went from one crash diet to the next. When this proved more than unfruitful and disappointing, I changed strategies.

The next twelve years I spent searching for the “right lifestyle” for me, which would allow me to shrink to an acceptable size, be happy and healthy, and make peace with my body.

You can probably guess that I never found such a lifestyle. And I’m sure that it doesn’t exist for me. I’m still making peace with my body, but now I know this is internal work. No diet or size can bring me to this place.

How This All Began

I first became aware that I was fat when I was four. We had this kindergarten recital, and regrettably, my costume didn’t fit, so I was the only one with a different dress. It was horrible. It didn’t help that my mother was very disappointed in me.

Years later, I started dieting at the ripe age of ten.

In my teenage years my focus was mainly on losing as much weight as possible, as quickly as possible. It was exhilarating to get praise from my mother and grandmothers. They were so happy that I was taking charge of my weight and that I could show such restraint and will power.

I sometimes went months on almost nothing eaten. Eventually, I’d start to get dizzy and nauseous, and I’d get severe stomach aches. I was hospitalized multiple times for gastritis. But no one made the connection between my eating and these conditions.

When the pains were severe, I knew I needed to get back to eating more regularly, and then the weight would return. You wouldn’t believe the disappointment this elicited in the ones closest to me. If only I could eat like a normal person, but not be fat.

I was told hundreds upon hundreds of times that if I didn’t find a way to lose the weight, I’d be lonely, no one would like me, I’d have trouble finding a boyfriend, and I’d have almost no chance of getting married. This was so heartbreaking. And I believed every word of it.

It became a major focus of my life to get my body in order, so I could be a ‘real’ girl.

When I turned twenty, I learned that my weight was all my fault. That I wasn’t doing enough. That I just wanted results, without doing the work. And that “there’s no permanent result without permanent effort.” So, I decided to find the sustainable lifestyle change that would lead me to my thin and better self. This was just another wild goose chase.

No matter what I did, the pattern was the same: I would lose ten to thirty-five pounds in about six months. And then—even if I doubled my efforts in terms of eating less and training more—I would start gaining weight and return to close to where I started.

Even though it was soul crushing, I didn’t give up. Not even for a day.

I was convinced that I just didn’t know enough, or hadn’t found the right diet for me, the right exercise, or the right combination. Or that maybe I was just doing things wrong, for some reason.

I hired trainers, dieticians, the whole shebang. It didn’t help.

This lasted more than ten years and took a lot of money that could have been spent better.

I was convinced that I was missing something. Obviously, the professionals knew what they were doing, and there was something wrong with me.

How Things Got Even Worse

When I got married, even though my husband and I were planning to wait a couple of years before having children, the pressure to prepare for pregnancy was on.

I went into crazy researcher mode and read every book on the best diet for pregnancy and ensuring healthy offspring.

It was 2016 and keto was in (as it still is now). I was convinced that keto was the way to go.

This was a turning point for me. First, because I was so determined to succeed at this point, and second, because keto is one of the most restrictive diets in existence.

I became super obsessed, and for two years. I couldn’t see that things were going wrong. Very wrong.

There were both physical and psychological signs. I just didn’t have the mental capacity to notice them. And regrettably, there wasn’t anyone around to point out that something was amiss. My environment was, and still is to some extent, more conducive to disordered eating behavior than to recovery.

On the physical side:

-My nails were brittle.
-My hair was falling out.
-My heart rate was slow.
-I lost the ability to sweat, despite the vigorous exercise I did.
-I was often tired.
-I was getting dizzy a lot.
-I was shivering cold all the time.

On the psychological side:

-I was irritable.
-I felt I needed to deserve my food, so I exercised compulsively, at least two hours and up to five hours a day.
-I had forgotten how hunger feels. I was eating on a schedule, and that was that. Not feeling hunger was even reassuring.
-But despite the latter, when I got to the bakery or the supermarket, I felt intense cravings. My stomach was tight, but I would start salivating strongly. And I would think about food for the rest of the day, weighing the pros and cons of ice cream and my rights to a little pleasure and indulgence in life. My solution was to order just the ‘right’ food online and go out as little as possible.
-I started avoiding my friends and family and any outings with food. I couldn’t risk eating anything if it wasn’t prepared by me.
-On the other hand, I was keeping some sense of normalcy, while cooking normal food and desserts for my husband. I don’t know why, but the pleasure of cooking was somehow enough, and I didn’t get cravings from this.
-I was also obsessed with food and thinking about what to cook for myself and my husband, and what great things we had eaten, but I could never have again.
-It was a torturous time. And even though my focus was on being my healthiest self, I had never been sicker in my life. I was suffering deeply.

How I Got Better

I can’t tell you I had a sudden realization about the errors of my ways. As I said, my whole environment supports the dieting mentality, and I had much more support in my dieting efforts than I do now in recovery. But still, I am managing.

I started seeing a therapist because I was lashing out at my husband, and I wanted to control my emotions better. By digging deeper into the issues underlying my anger I found a deep sense of inadequacy and not being enough. In the process of unravelling, I was able to make the connection that my problems with food stem from the same place, and I started working on them.

There are a few things that helped me most.

The first is meditation. Meditating has made a huge difference in my life because it’s enabled me to distance myself from my thoughts, and stop believing everything I think. This was huge.

It was important for me to observe this nasty, critical voice and to realize that it’s not mine. It sounded more like my mother. To distance myself from the voice and the emotionally charged image of my mother, I started seeing it like a mean, old witch. By associating a funny image with this chatter in my head, I was able to acknowledge it was there but go about my life, without engaging too much with it.

This has helped me treat myself much more kindly. And by being kinder to myself I started to accept myself more. I am human and not perfect. In some situations, I still start berating myself. But I catch myself quickly and don’t fall into the rabbit hole.

Second, I reached out for support from some trusted friends and started to go out more and observe other people. To my surprise, most people were not on the brink of death just because they ate pizza a couple times a month or because they enjoyed a drink or two.

Also, I started reading more books written by fat activists, and they have been of great help. They are full of humor, compassion, love, and understanding. They have helped me feel less alone, and I’ve benefitted immensely from their recommendation to normalize your view of your body by looking at images of other fat people.

For me, seeing other women of my size and finding them gorgeous and beautiful helped me accept myself more. Taking more pictures of myself, and getting used to how I look, was also huge for me. Because it’s very different from looking in the mirror. In the mirror you can look at just certain parts of your body and not pay attention to others. In a photo, you don’t have much choice.

This can be really hard at first. But it gets so much better.

Also, I found new ways to move my body and enjoy myself, and rekindled my passions for types of exercise I used to enjoy. This has made it so much easier for me to appreciate my wonderful body. I feel grateful for all I am able to do, every single day.

Choosing what to eat is still a battle sometimes. The disordered voices in my head are not abolished, as I said. But now, I can choose not to pay attention to them or believe them.

So now, when I am debating between pizza and fish with salad, I do a couple of things differently than before.

First, I ask myself what do I really want, and why. If I see that I am leaning toward the fish, but only because it’s “better for me,” I remember the sad person I was before. I remember how bad I felt when my life was ruled by rules. And then I clear the rules from my head and imagine what will taste better for me in this moment. And choose that option.

Of course, I don’t always eat pizza. I strive for balance and make healthy choices on the whole. The point is I don’t constantly deprive myself.

What helps me not fall into my old patterns is remembering the way I feel now. I know that despite being heavier, I haven’t felt happier and freer in my life. Not having that constant anxiety is my motivation.

It’s very hard, but I couldn’t be happier that I am going through this journey. I am connecting to myself, my body, and my wishes in a way I was never able to before. And I feel this is the most valuable experience.

I hope that if you’re battling with the same demons, you’ll win. I am rooting for you. And yes, it is possible.

Article By: Vania Nikolova, PhD of Tiny Buddha

Nutrition that affects depression and anxiety

Eight Nutritional Deficiencies That Can Cause Depression & Anxiety

Depression and anxiety disorders are seemingly increasing on a global level and impacting the overall health and well-being of people’s everyday functioning.

Typically, when one goes to the doctor to alleviate these problems, a doctor will ask a few questions about your overall mental functioning, and more often than not, hand you a prescription for some expensive anti-depressant or anxiety reducer.

While medications are beneficial for short-term relief, they provide a dependency and, most importantly, are treating the symptoms and not the root of the problem. What many doctors neglect to look at is a person’s metabolic or nutritional deficiencies, which may be greatly impacting their mental health.

From a holistic vantage point, our gut is known as the “second brain,” and there are structural/anatomical reasons for this reference. The “second brain,” known scientifically as the enteric nervous system, consists of sheaths of neurons located in the walls of our gut and make up the vagus nerve.

The vagus nerve runs from a person’s esophagus to their anus, roughly nine meters long. Due to the interconnectedness of our gut and enteric nervous system, once our gut bacteria is out of balance, we become susceptible to emotional disturbances most commonly manifested as depression or anxiety. The following are eight nutritional deficiencies that might be impacting your mood.

1. Health Food Deficiency?

Do you simply have an unhealthy diet? Is your diet filled with sugar? Junk foods? Sodas? Processed foods? If you answered yes, then chances are your diet is having an impact on your mood and overall health. Nowadays, people are busier than they have ever been before, and when this happens, diet and exercise are one of the first things to be neglected. Fast food restaurants, TV dinners, and general stores like 7-Eleven, make a huge profit on our busy lifestyles. Obesity, heart disease, diabetes, and depression are just a few of the harmful health impacts diets lacking in nutrients can cause.

2. Omega-3 Fatty Acids Deficiency.

A deficiency in Omega-3 fatty acids, or an imbalance between Omega-3 and Omega-6 fatty acids, may effect one’s mood. Omega-3s are important for brain functioning and positive mental outlook. Research has shown that a diet lacking or having an imbalance between an Omega-3 and Omega-6 can negatively impact one’s mental health in the following ways: ADHD, depression, Schizophrenia, and Borderline Personality Disorder. Omega-3s also help people who suffer from inflammation and pain problems. Foods that are rich in Omega-3s are Flax seeds, Chia seeds, hemp seeds, leafy greens, beans, and seaweed.

3. Vitamin D Deficiency.

Vitamin D helps your bones and teeth, and they are necessary for absorbing phosphorus into the blood stream, which helps your mental and physical health. Have you heard of Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)? Symptoms of SAD look just like depression, expressing themselves during the winter months due to lack of sunlight. A study analyzed more than 1,200 individuals for vitamin D deficiency and associated mental disorders. The study found that deficiency in vitamin D was present in people with depression and panic disorders.  Sunlight is the best source of vitamin D. Just going for a walk or spending some time outside is beneficial. Other great sources of Vitamin D are spirulina, choral, bee pollen, wild mushrooms, and fortified nut milk.

4. B-Complex Vitamin Deficiency.

The B vitamins convert food into fuel that allows us to stay energized throughout the day. While the B vitamins work in conjunction together to provide energy and cellular repair, and even can produce stress relief, each B vitamin (nine in total) have their own specific benefits, from promoting healthy skin and hair to preventing memory loss and migraines. New research is emerging in the field of Neuropsychiatry that shows a link between B vitamin deficiencies and mood disorders, including depression. Foods that are rich in B vitamins include: seeds, nuts, leafy green plants, beets, and other root vegetables.

5.  Zinc, Folate, Chromium, and Iron Deficiencies.

Minerals originate from soil, but unlike vitamins, they cannot be made by people, animals, or other living systems. Minerals in the soil are absorbed by plants and then get passed to humans and other animals who eat such plants. Research has shown that minerals like Zinc, Folate, lithium, Iron, and chromium help those suffering from depression, schizophrenia, anxiety, eating disorders, and subsets of alcoholism. Since minerals are considered trace elements, one only needs a small amount of them to benefit. Some foods that contain essential minerals include whole-grain breads, fresh fruits, and deeply colored vegetables.

Article By: Naomi Zellin of Elephant Journal

The Number on The Scale Does Not Dictate Your Value

“To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

We try to give our bodies value with numbers. We’re obsessed with the number on the scale and the circumference of our waist.

We also think our value lies in labels. Words like “obese,” “fat,” and “overweight” are triggers for many, and we abhor them like coffee breath, because we’ve been immersed in pocrescophobia (the fear of getting fat) from before we can remember.

But we are more than a category on a pie chart. We are more than our body shape. Magazines tell us we are shaped like a fruit, but we are shaped by the experiences that have made us the people we are today.

Our bodies may not be light, but inside we are shrouded with light. We may be soft where we’ve been told we ought to be hard and toned, but it’s in our softness that others feel comforted in the midst of their problems. We may not have a thigh gap, but there’s space between our arms for those we love to seek shelter.

We are more than just a body.

Our bodies are amazing. They can do so much, for ourselves and for others. We are each beautiful in our own right.

But that’s not all there is to us. We are the imprint we leave on the planet during our short life on Earth. We are the heart that beats within us for the things we are passionate about.

We are the smile that radiates out of our eyes when we experience a moment of pure joy, and the serenity that pervades us when we are content. We are the words we exchange, the words we write down, the words we guard in our minds at all costs. We are the feelings that pass through us, exhilarate us, drive us, guide us.

We are the thoughts and memories and unique set of DNA that set us apart from everyone else. We are special. We are needed. We are designed for a purpose.

We have value that surpasses everything society and the media wants us to obsess over. We have value apart from how we look. We have value apart from our relationship status.

We have value apart from our income. We have value apart from whether we own a house or not, or have kids or not. We. Have. Value. Unchanging, unequivocal, perfect value.

I regret that I wasted this whole weekend feeling depressed about how much I weigh now compared to how much I weighed in my early twenties (I’m approaching thirty). It seems so silly when you think about it, a stone here or there. But I found myself giving in to that black hole, falling-to-the-floor kind of despair.

I should weigh less. I should look slimmer. I should try harder.

I should be something that isn’t me at this moment in time.

It seems like everyone is dissatisfied with the way they look. We will pay money and give up all our free time to try and achieve the illusion of perfection. Snapchat filters, Instagram filters, even paying for apps that will help us to create the perfect selfie, because heaven forbid we look anything less than perfect online!

This, in turn, feeds into other people’s insecurities, spreading the toxic message that our “just as I am” is not enough.

The thing is, weight is just one small way to measure health. My weight suggests I’m quite overweight for my height. But when you look at my waist-to-hip and waist-to-height measurements, I’m in the “healthy” category for both of them, with little-to-no risk of developing heart disease or obesity.

Things just don’t add up. I’m left feeling like something is wrong with me. Am I in the red, or in the green?

Do I need to lose weight, or can I breathe a sigh or relief?

The thing is, it’s these categories and labels that have got it all wrong. Health can’t always be measured by numbers. It’s how you live your life.

Being obsessive isn’t healthy. Talking negatively (even in your mind) about yourself isn’t healthy. Striving for perfection isn’t healthy.

What is healthy? Loving yourself exactly the way you are. Making good choices for your physical and mental health.

Being balanced in everything.

Some days I feel like I’ve come so far, that I truly do love and accept myself as I am, wobbly bits and all. Other days I feel lost in a sea of self-pity and a strong dislike for what I see in the mirror. I compare myself to other girls.

Why can’t I be naturally skinny? Why has nature been so unkind? Then I remember that nature has been kind.

I’m uniquely myself with my own combination of curves and body fat. Why would I want to look like anyone else?

My thoughts go round and round like this. It can be so tiring.

My parents used to tell me I had a “feminine figure.” My partner loves the way I look and never ceases to remind me, even when I’m in one of my funks and in a loop of obsessing over my supposed flaws. If I could only see myself through the eyes of those who love me, my obsessing and self-loathing would all stop in an instant.

The thing is, we have to see ourselves through the eyes of love. We have to accept. We are craving our own love and acceptance.

We need our own kindness. We need to talk about ourselves like we would talk to our best friend. We need to look in the mirror and say, “You are beautiful, just the way you are.”

See your own value. Yes, your body has value. Yes, it is beautiful, exactly as it is.

Shout it out! Proclaim it to the rooftops!

But you are more than that.

You are so much more than a body.

Article by: Nicola Casey

Woman eating a donut

How Restrictive Diets Mess with Our Brain and Lead to Bingeing

“Your body is precious. It is your vehicle for awakening. Treat it with care.” ~Buddha

When I went on my first diet in my teens (low-carb, it was back in the Atkins days), I wasn’t even overweight. I weighed less than 120 pounds, but my jeans had started to get a little tight, so I thought I needed to lose five pounds or so. At the time, I didn’t have a bad relationship with food; I just ate like a typical teenager—not the best choices.

About two hours in, I remember starting to obsess over the things I couldn’t eat and being desperate to be skinny ASAP so I could eat them again.

By mid day, I “failed.”

I caved and ate…. *gasp, shock, horror*… carbs.

And something weird happened. Instantly, I felt like I was bad.

It’s not just that I thought I had made a bad choice.

I thought, “You idiot, you can’t do anything right. Look at you, one meal in and you screwed up already. You may as well just eat whatever you want the rest of the day and start again tomorrow.”

I think I gained about five pounds from that attempt.

And I continued slowly gaining more and more weight every year after that—and feeling guiltier and guiltier every time I ate something “bad.”

Atkins low-carb miracle cure had failed me horribly and began a decades-long battle with food and my weight.

See, it wasn’t that I thought my choice was bad and then I just made a better choice next time; it was that I felt like I, as a person, was bad.

And what happens when we’re bad?

We get punished.

I didn’t realize until many years later, but those degrading thoughts and overeating the rest of the day were, in part, my way of punishing myself for being bad and eating the bad things.

The harder I tried to control what was going in, the worse it got and the more out of control I felt.

In my thirties I hit bottom, as they say, as a result of trying to follow a “clean eating meal plan.”

Four days into my first attempt to “eat clean” and strictly adhere to what someone else told me I should eat, I had my first-ever binge.

Prior to that, I had some minor food issues. I ate kind of crummy, had slowly been gaining weight, and felt guilty when I ate carbs (thanks, Atkins).

But a few days into “clean eating,” I was in the middle of a full-blown eating disorder.

The clean eating miracle craze may have made me look and feel amazing, but emotionally, it failed me horribly and began my years-long battle to recover from bulimia and binge eating.

But I thought it was just me. I was such a screw up, why couldn’t I just eat like a normal person?

I saw how much better I looked and felt when I was managing to “be good” and “eat clean,” but within a few days or weeks of “being good,” no matter how great I felt from eating that way, I always caved and ended up bingeing again.

And every time, I thought it was me. I told myself I was broken and weak and pathetic.

Even later, when I started training other people, my message was “If it’s not on your plan, it doesn’t go in your mouth” and “You can’t expect to get the body you want by eating the things that gave you the body you have.”

I wanted clients to feel amazing and get the best results possible, so I gave them what I knew would accomplish those two things.

But, at the time, I didn’t know that it was actually those messages and rules that had created all my own issues with food, and I most definitely didn’t know they would have that affect on anyone else.

I thought everyone else was “normal.” I was just broken and weak and stupid—that’s why I struggled so hard to just “be good” and “stop screwing up.” Normal people would see how much better they felt when they ate that way, and they’d automatically change and live happily ever after.

Ha. No.

The more people I trained, the more I became acutely aware that food is the thing most people struggle with the most, and I started recognizing the exact same thoughts and behaviors I’d experienced, in the majority of my clients.

And almost every single one of them also had a looong history of failed diets.

Hmmm. Maybe it wasn’t just me.

Not everyone goes to the extreme of bulimia, but the more I spoke with other people about their struggles with food and shared my own with them, the more I realized how shockingly pervasive disordered eating and eating disorders have become.

Binge eating is an eating disorder—one that more people struggle with than I ever imagined. Though, most people are horrified to admit it, and many may not even be willing to admit to themselves that they do.

I get that because it’s associated with lack of self-control and gluttony, and there’s a great deal of shame related to both of those things. But it actually has little to do with either, and you can’t change anything until you admit you’re struggling.

And disordered eating in general is even more pervasive.

Feeling guilt after eating is not normal. That’s disordered eating.

Restricting entire food groups is not normal. That’s disordered eating.

Severely restricting food in general in not normal. That’s disordered eating.

Beating yourself up for eating something “bad” is not normal. That’s disordered eating.

Starting and stopping a new diet every few weeks or months is not normal. That’s disordered eating.

Diet culture has us so screwed up that we spend most of our lives doing these things without ever realizing they’re not normal. And they’re negatively affecting our whole lives.

As I was working on my own recovery, I dove into hundreds of hours of research into dieting, habits, motivation, and disordered eating—anything I could get my hands on to help not only myself but my clients better stick to their plans.

It’s so easy, I used to think; there must be some trick to make us just eat what we’re supposed to eat!

But I learned the exact opposite.

I learned that trying to “stick to the plan” was actually the problem.

The solution wasn’t in finding some magic trick to help people follow their meal plans; the solution lay in not telling people what to eat in the first place.

There are many reasons behind why we eat what we eat, when we eat, and even the quantities we choose to eat; it just doesn’t work to tell someone to stop everything they know and just eat this much of this at this time of day, because at some later date it’ll make them skinny and happy.

Our brains don’t work that way.

Our brains actually work exactly the opposite.

As soon as we place restrictions on what we’re allowed or not allowed to eat, our brains start creating compulsions and obsessive thoughts that drive us to “cave.”

Have you ever noticed that as soon as you “can’t” have something, you automatically want it even more?

That’s a survival instinct that’s literally been hard-wired into our brains since the beginning of time.

In November 1944, post-WW II, physiologist Ancel Keys, PhD and psychologist Josef Brozek PhD began a nearly yearlong experiment on the psychological and physiological effects of starvation on thirty-six mentally and physically healthy young men.

The men were expected to lose one-quarter of their body weight. They spent the first three months eating a normal diet of 3,200 calories a day followed by six months of semi-starvation. The semi-starvation period was followed by three months of rehabilitation calories (3,200) and finally an eight-week period of unrestricted rehabilitation, during which time there was no limitations on caloric intake.

Researchers closely monitored the physiological and psychological changes brought on by calorie restriction.

During the most restricted phase the changes were dramatic. Physically, the men became gaunt in appearance, and there were significant decreases in their strength, stamina, body temperature, heart rate, and even sex drive.

Psychologically, the effects were even more dramatic and mirror those almost anyone with any history of dieting can relate to.

They became obsessed with food. Any chance they had to get access to more food resulted in the men binge eating thousands of calories in a sitting.

Before the restriction period, the men were a lively bunch, discussing politics, current events, and more. During the restriction period, this quickly changed. They dreamt, read, fantasized, and talked about food all the time.

They became withdrawn, irritable, fatigued, and apathic. Depression, anxiety, and obsessive thinking (especially about food) were also observed.

For some men, the study proved too difficult—they were excluded as a result of breaking the diet or not meeting their weight loss goals.

We don’t struggle to follow diets and food rules because we lack willpower. It’s literally the way our brains are wired.

Why? Because from an evolutionary standpoint, we’re not designed to restrict food. Coded into our DNA is the overwhelming urge to survive, so when food (either over-all calories or food groups) is restricted, our brains begin to create urgency, compulsions, and strong desires that force us to fill its needs—and often, even more than its needs (binges).

We cave because our brains are hardwired to. Then the act of caving actually gets wired into our brains as a habit that we continue to repeat on autopilot every time we restrict food or food groups.

And it triggers the punish mode that I spoke of earlier, which only compounds the problem and slowly degrades our self-worth.

So every year millions of people are spending tens of billions of dollars on diets that are making the majority of us heavier, depressed, anxious, food-obsessed binge eaters, and destroying our self-worth.

Now I know all that sounds pretty bleak, but there is a way out. I know because I’ve found it.

It sounds like the opposite of what we should do, but it saved my life.

I gave myself permission to eat whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, and stopped trying to restrict. The scarier that sounds, the more you need to do it.

As soon as nothing is off limits, we can begin to slowly move away from the scarcity mindset and break the habits and obsessions created by dieting.

When we give ourselves unconditional permission to eat whatever we want, without guilt or judgment, we give ourselves the space to get mindful about our choices.

We give ourselves the opportunity to explore why we’re making the choices we’re making and the power to freely make different ones because we begin to value ourselves again.

When we remove the guilt and judgment, start to value ourselves again, and work on being mindful, we can begin to notice how the foods we’re eating make us feel and make choices from a place of love and kindness rather than fear, guilt, and punishment.

It sounds too simple to work, but it saved my life.

Rather than telling people what they should and shouldn’t eat, or trying to listen to someone who’s telling us what we should or shouldn’t eat, we have to build a connection with our bodies.

We have to learn to listen to them, to learn to distinguish the difference between physical hunger and emotional hunger. To stop eating when we’re not physically hungry, and to start feeling emotions instead of feeding them.

We have to break the habits that drive autopilot eating. We have to be mindful, trust the wisdom of our own bodies, and make choices based on how they make our bodies feel rather than what some diet tells us is the answer to happiness and being skinny.

Article by: Roni Davis of Tiny Buddha

This post was republished with permission from tinybuddha.com. You can find the original post at https://tinybuddha.com.

We can help.

Hillary Counseling offers individual therapy and online therapy services to help with binge eating disorder.

Contact us to schedule a complimentary 30-minute consultation! →

woman binge eating

How to Stop Binge Eating…What Actually Worked for Me

My Binge Eating Story

Can’t stop binge eating? I’ve been there. Once, I ate an entire 1/2 gallon of cookies and cream ice cream in one sitting. For real.

There was a time in my life when episodes like this (though maybe not quite so bad) were not uncommon. And by “not uncommon” I mean weekly – sometimes twice a week.

It’s not something I ever talked about much. After all, what girl in her right mind would brag about downing almost 2,000 calories of ice cream all by herself… all in one sitting?

There’s a ton of shame surrounding binge eating. It’s shameful because deep down we all feel like we should be able to willpower our way through it. And shameful because society says being a “good” woman means eating light salads and being happy about it.

And boy was I ashamed. I’ll be the first to admit, it’s much easier to talk about this because I was able to stop binge eating. It’s much harder when you’re right in the thick of it. At the time, there was nothing more I wanted to learn than how to stop binge eating. But I was too ashamed to talk about it.

But I’m here to say, if you’re still stuck between restriction and binging – you’re not alone. You’re just human, and it’s okay. The shame we feel about binge eating actually just keeps us trapped in the vicious cycle, so one of the most important things you can do is give yourself a little slack.

Not because binging is a healthy behavior – it honestly isn’t – but because shaming yourself isn’t healthy either. And two wrongs don’t make a right.

So, yes, for a long time I hid my binge eating from the outside world. For all the general public knew, I was a salad-loving, tofu-eating health nut.

I wouldn’t dare let on that every day I non-stop thought about all the food I shouldn’t be eating. It was a constant obsession. And at the end of the week, I would helplessly succumb to four slices of bacon pizza with extra cheese, followed by a generous slice (…or two) of cheesecake with raspberry sauce.

For a long time, I thought something was seriously wrong with me. After all, normal people didn’t do this.

Funny enough, it’s when I stopped obsessing about my eating habits that I stumbled across a real (though perhaps boring) solution for how to stop binge eating.

How I Stopped Binge Eating Forever

As far as I was concerned, I had no power to prevent binge eating. In those moments when my stomach felt like a bottomless pit (even when I technically felt full), willpower wasn’t even a word in my vocabulary. And I didn’t learn to stop binge eating by getting more willpower, believe me.

I also didn’t do it by distracting myself (Hungry? Go paint your fingernails! Then you can’t eat the cookies because your nails will be wet. Yeah, well, tell that to the cookie crumbs lacquered into my hot pink nails…).

Nor did I learn to stop binge eating by instead eating a piece of fruit or cheese or a raw carrot or whatever. If I wanted to binge on brownies, a carrot wasn’t going to stop me. Best case scenario? I end up eating the carrot and then the brownies. There was never once an occurrence when I ate the carrot instead of the brownies.

To be truthful, binge eating was the least of my problems a few years ago. I had acne worse than I did as a teenager. I had crazy (i.e. scary) mood swings, I couldn’t handle stress worth a hoot, and I had insomnia that left me crippled with zombie-like fatigue during the day.

There came a point when I decided enough was enough. I needed some serious health intervention and I needed it yesterday.

That’s when I changed my approach to getting healthy. I bucked against mainstream advice (because all that salad and tofu didn’t seem to be helping much). And in exploring alternative ideas to what constitutes “healthy” I also flushed out the source of my binges.

How to Stop Binge Eating the Boring Way

So if you can’t stop binge eating, what is my crazy solution? Eat!

Yes, eat. Mostly real food and enough to sustain your body and your activities. And don’t exercise more than you can support with good food and good sleep.

That’s just way too simple, right?

Since back in my binge eating days, I’ve learned that the biggest key to health is… balance. I know, it’s not as exciting as an ancient berry from South America, but it’s the real thing.

I also learned that when I jumped to extremes, my health (mental and physical) suffered for it. And I learned to listen to my body, because not everything they say is “healthy” was the right choice for me.

Did you know… girls who diet are 12x more likely to binge eat? This is not a coincidence!

So I quit dieting and overexercising. I quit restricting food groups and going on restrictive diets. I quit labeling food (and by extension myself) as good or bad. And I quit working out to “work off” last night’s fettuccine alfredo.

All this did not happen overnight. It was a slow (sometimes painful) dance of two steps forward and one step back. But eventually, I was able to strike a pretty comfortable balance of eating well, enjoying a wide variety of foods in moderation, and being active in a way I really enjoy (and not overdoing it).

I knew I was on the right track because I experienced a lot of health benefits in the process.

And something else happened during this time. Without even trying – without even thinking about it – I stopped binge eating.

It didn’t happen all at once. At first, my binge eating episodes just occurred less frequently (like maybe 3-4 times per month instead of twice a week). Then a few weeks would go by without a real binge. Then a couple of months. Pretty soon my all-out binges were few and far between.

Now? I can’t even remember the last time I really binged on something. It’s been that long.

Why? Because I was finally listening to my body and giving it what it needed: plenty of quality food, good rest, and the right amount of exercise. I found my balance.

I really like the motto of Amber Rogers from Go Kaleo: “Eat the food.” I find it funny that the more I tried to control and restrict my eating, the more often I would end up binge eating and feeling out of control.

And the more I paid attention and ate what my body needed to thrive (when it comes to both nutrients and energy), the more binge eating became a thing of the past for me.

Binge vs. Splurge

When someone says to me, “I can’t stop binge eating!” I always want to clarify what a binge really is. Eating a bowl of ice cream (even a big one) is not a binge. Neither is eating a couple pieces of pizza. These are splurges, not binges.

Splurges are totally normal and can be part of eating healthy. I still splurge on a hefty slice of cake or a couple slices of bacon pizza sometimes. (I just don’t eat the whole pizza or cake anymore.)

So remember not to sweat the small stuff and just enjoy your food!

Article By: Elizabeth Walling

We can help.

Hillary Counseling offers individual therapy and online therapy services to help with binge eating disorder.

Contact us to schedule a complimentary 30-minute consultation! →